


I Like It Here

by Alexo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-23 14:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexo/pseuds/Alexo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The shower being too cold is  the least of John Egbert's worries on his 19th birthday, when a blue alien appears out of nowhere with a strange request.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foggy Mirrors

John Egbert woke up. It happened to be his 19th birthday, which was April 13th of 2015. He was extremely excited, as today was the day he got his presents from all his friends, and hopefully, the SBURB beta would arrive today too! He jumped right out of bed and walked down the hallway into the bathroom, looking at all of the posters and harlequins in the hallway. When he reached the bathroom, he turned on the shower and watched as the mirror slowly started fogging up.

His dad was still asleep, so he wouldn't have to worry about the shower becoming cold in the middle of the god damn shower. He hated when that happened. Stripping off his sleep shirt, he scratched his chest and abs, which had been appearing as of late. He chuckled. Took them long enough, he thought to himself. By this point, the bathroom mirror was almost completely fogged up and he realized he had just been sitting on his floor for like 8 minutes. He took off the rest of his clothes and stepped in the shower. Before he stepped in however, he thought he heard a small, girlish giggle, but he dismissed it as his tired subconscious and he stepped in the shower.

For a while, John didn't bother washing anything. He was just enjoying the hot water on his aching muscles. He had no idea while they ached, but they did, and they needed to be soothed. He groaned at the ache and he thought he heard what seemed like a small giggle again. Once again he dismissed it, but he watched the curtains to see if any silhouettes were moving around. Thankfully, there wasn't. But once again, he heard the giggle and he became extremely suspicious. If Jade or Rose were playing some kind of stupid birthday prank on him, he'd probably flip his shit. His muscles were sore and he wasn't in the mood for pranks, even though Colonel Sassacre would probably frown on him for thinking that.

His thoughts were shattered as the giggling echoed through the bathroom. This time, John was annoyed. He opened the shower curtain and threw on a towel. He was going to find out who was doing this if it was the last thing he-

John realized in horror that someone had slightly pulled on his towel he had draped around his waist. The towel fell to the ground, leaving John completely exposed in the middle of the hallway. More giggling. He yelped, picked up the towel and wrapped it around his waist. When he turned around though, he swore he saw a flash of orange and yellow. And as far as he knew, none of his friends that would do something as immature as pull down his towel had yellow and orange hair unless… No. Not fucking Dave. He shrugged and walked back into the bathroom, locking the door. He let the towel fall by choice and he turned back to the shower, to come face to face with a girl. Except this girl had grey fucking skin and horns. Yellow and orange god damn horns. Needless to say, John Egbert was a little freaked out. The grey skinned lady laughed.

"You're naked you know?" The girl said with another giggle. John didn't care at the moment. He wanted to know what the hell was going on.

"Did Rose or Jade put you up to this?!" He yelled, "Or even Dave?" The girl laughed again and just shook her head.

"No, at the moment, they are waiting for you to go on Pesterchat so they can wish you a happy 8irthday." John didn't know if that answer was better or worse than what he was expecting.

"Then who the hell are you?" John said, still extremely confused.

"My name is Vriska Serket," She responded, "I'm from an alien planet a 8illion years from the past called Alternia," This made John laugh.

"You seriously expect me to believe that?" John said, "Do I have dumb written on my forehead?" Vriska almost made a joke, but decided that she'd had enough fun messing with John.

"If there's anything I tell you that you need to trust out of everything, what I'm a8out to say to you is what you need to listen to and 8elieve," Vriska began. John rolled his eyes, but Vriska ignored him and continued. "I am a troll from the planet Alternia. When 11 other trolls and I turned 6 solar sweeps, or 13 earth years old, we got this game called SGRU8. It was supposed to be a game about 8uilding things, and it was, 8ut on a much greater and preposterous scale. The game had us 8uilding a universe. A literal universe. That universe we 8uilt, is the universe you live in now.

"When you were 13, you received the beta of a game called SBURB, and you, Jade, Rose, and Dave all began playing it. You all quickly realized that what was going on was different and on a much 8igger scale than you had expected. And-"

"Wait hold up," John said, confused as hell, "The SBURB beta came out like 3 days ago. I didn't get a copy of it when I was 13. I'm 19 now."

"I'm getting to that," Vriska said impatiently, "Anyway, so you four adventured on doing everything that goes on in S8UR8/SGRU8, until you accidentally created an un8eatable enemy, and a metaphorical tumor 8egan to form in the middle of this 8attlefield. This meant the session of S8UR8 you four were playing was a Scratched server, and the only way to get out of the game was to make the scratch happen.

"Lots of death later, you finally made the scratch, and the 13 year old you continued his adventures. 8ut there's something he didn't realize. There's something none of us realized. When the Scratch happened, not only did main John live on. An alternate timeline was formed in which none of the events ever happened, and this is the timeline you're living. Got all that?" John stood there, absolutely baffled. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"Do you write for a science fiction magazine? Cause you should fucking get that published!" He said incredulously. Vriska groaned.

"So you don't 8elieve me?" She sighed.

"Not one single bit of it," John said firmly.

"8ut I'm standing right here John! I know your name! I know what happened to you! You and I had formed a bond in the other timeline!"

"Wait, how would you know that if you're a Vriska from a different timeline?" John asked.

"You see, the thing is," She paused, "When you did the scratch, things got messed up, and 4 of us trolls got sent into this alternate timeline on April 13, 2015, Earth years. And we aged and all. I haven't actually lived six 6 Earth years and yet I'm suddenly 19! Do you know how unsettling that is to me?" John shook his head.

"Couldn't say I've been through that," He chuckled. Vriska slapped him.

"8ut you need to listen to me," She said, "You need to help me get 8ack in time so I can go 8ack to everyone I know" John shook his head.

"But I know nothing about time travel!" He said, "I still don't even think it exists! Besides, it's my birthday and I don't feel like doing anything," Vriska sighed.

"Until you get me 8ack to my friends John," she began, "I'm staying with you," John looked at her in shock.

"Oh hell no!" He yelled.

"Oh hell yes!" Vriska responded, "So if you want me gone, you 8etter help me, or else I guess you and I are going to live together forever!" John sighed and groaned.

"Fine I'll help you," He said glumly, "But once we make that- time machine or whatever… you get the hell out."

"Awww, Johnny, you don't like me? It's not every day you're in the 8athroom naked with a girl~"

"Except for the fact you're grey, and have horns," John said. She laughed and nodded.

"So where am I staying?" She asked, "Your room?" John shrugged.

"For now just hide under my bed, and let me finish my shower, then we'll sort this crap out." And with that she began to walk out, but was stopped by John again, who said, "Look the hell out for my father. He will be so confused if he sees you and I will be in trouble so hard." It was at that moment; John realized that on one of Vriska's eyes, there were seven pupils in a pattern in the center of her eye. Vriska noticed him staring and giggled.

"I like spiders, what can I say?" she said, and with that, she shut the bathroom door behind her and went into John's room. John hoped to god he would wake up soon. This was going to be a long few days…


	2. Getting Situated

After John finished his actual uninterrupted shower, he dressed in the bathroom, which was odd for him, but considering the circumstances he was willing to break the habit. He threw on a t-shirt, which was his usual slime and walked into his room. For a second he completely forgot what had just happened with the Troll Vriska, so when he heard a girl behind him go “What’cha Doin’?” as he turned on his Computer, he jumped. He looked back to see her standing in plain sight.  
“What are you doing?! If my dad walks by, he’s gonna freak!” John yelled, hoping his father wasn’t around.  
“I don’t think he’s home. I saw a car pull out about 5 minutes ago.” Vriska told him. John sighed with relief. For the first time, he was glad his dad went out to get baking supplies.  
“Okay, well then now is a good time to lay down some rules to you then,” John started, “First off, don’t talk while my Dad’s around. Next off-“ She laughed and motioned for him to stop.  
“So you’re going to order me around?” She said, “Let’s start with the fact that I’m the inter-dimensional space alien. I think that gives me the right to order you around.” She playfully bounced onto John’s bed.  
“Let’s end this with the fact that this is my house, and you really have no right to tell me what to do in my house,” John interjected firmly. Vriska rolled around John’s bed and pouted.  
“Finneee,” She said with a frown. She jumped off of John’s bed and ran out into the hallway, “The least you can do is let me tour your house~” John sighed.  
“You’re gonna be spending all of your time in my room, so why would you even want to see the rest?” John said.  
“8ecause I want to!” Vriska’s voice called from downstairs. John walked down to see what she was doing. She saw him come in and waved from his kitchen.  
“The food here is weird!” She said playfully. John picked up the flirty tone but ignored it. How weird would an inter-dimensional relationship be?  
“I guess it would be to you,” John said. The phone rang. Vriska ran over to answer it, but John ran in front of her.  
“Never answer the phone!” He yelled. She whimpered jokingly, and John looked at the caller ID. It was Dave Strider, his best friend. He answered.  
“Dave?” He said. Vriska’s eyes lit up and she mouthed the word “Strider?” John nodded and she silently giggled.  
“’Sup John. My man John. My partner in crime Egbert?” Dave responded. John laughed and sighed.  
“Dude, we’re 19. It’s time to lay off of the rapping,” John said.  
“Nah man, I’m gaining a following on CampBand. The public loves my sick and ill beats. Can’t fuckin’ blame em I guess.”  
“I guess,” John said. He looked over at Vriska who had her ear to another phone. John ran his finger across his neck to symbolize that if she talked, he was dead. She laughed audibly.  
“The hell was that?” Dave asked.  
“What did you hear?” John asked, now sweating.  
“I dunno, it kinda sounded like a… girl or some shit,” Dave replied.  
“That’s weird. I didn’t hear anything,” John said nervously, “Anyway, any reason why you called?”  
“Yeah, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and tell you to get onto pesterchat.” Dave said.  
“Oh, I was just about to,” John said, “I just woke up, and now I’m getting some food.”  
“Gotcha man. Well I’ll talk to you on pesterchat soon.” Dave said, as he hung up the phone. John put the phone down and looked up at Vriska, who was holding back heavy laughter. John stomped over.  
“Don’t you ever make a fucking noise. Rule number one!” He yelled.  
“Hey, you were the one who made me make the noise!” She said. She winked to make it pervy. He shook his head and turned around to get some food out of the fridge.  
“What do you trolls eat?” John asked. She shrugged.  
“None of this crap,” She said, “Guess I’ll have to get used to it.”  
“You talk like you’ll be here a while,” John said. She shrugged again and looked at the clock. 11:34 AM.  
“You don’t just build an inter-dimensional teleporter overnight,” She interjected in.  
“Do you even know how to make one?” John asked.  
“…Nope!” she said cheerily, “But if we can find the other trolls who went in the strange void, I think one of them may be able to help us! His name’s Sollux.” John frowned, the name sounded familiar.  
“Was one of the trolls,” He started, “Was one of their names… CarKlap?” She burst out laughing and tears started coming out of her eyes.  
“His name is Karkat,” She said, “and he was our leader. And the fact that you came close to one of their names is good. You seem to be getting some memories of your alternate 13 year old self. Hopefully you’ll remember me soon~”  
“Sorry, but I don’t yet!” John said. As he finished his breakfast, he put away all of the food. Vriska had begun munching on a pop tart, but upon not enjoying it and yelling “BLUH” she threw it away.   
“I know something you may have that I like,” Vriska said, “Do you have any cotton candy?” John nodded.  
“Actually, yes I do,” John said. He took a bag of cotton candy out of the drawers. She took the cotton candy from him. As soon as she did, the garage door started opening.  
“SHIT!” John yelled, and Vriska looked at him in horror as they bolted upstairs. Vriska jumped under the bed and John made sure she wasn’t visible. John’s dad walked upstairs, looked around a bit, and walked back downstairs.  
“He’s the quiet type eh?” Vriska whispered. John nodded.  
“He doesn’t ever talk. But he always gets his point across.” John replied. He could tell that hiding her was gonna be harder than he thought…


	3. The Flower and The Chainsaw

The girl with the flower for a name yawned. Today was her best friend, John Egbert’s birthday, and today, she planned to go and visit him. Ever since they were 15, Rose’s mom had moved out of their house after a freak storm, and coincidentally, the place they moved had been extremely close to where John lived. Since then, John and her had grown very close, but not to the point of asking each other out. Rose wanted to badly, and she could tell John did too, but neither of them could work up the courage, and Rose feared that they never would.  
She started her daily routine of cleaning her room, and then taking a quick shower and applying some makeup. But before she got to the shower part, she noticed something on the floor. A smear of something… green. She couldn’t tell what it was, but it looked kind of like green lipstick. She went to her makeup cabinet and checked. No, she had no green lipstick. Shrugging it off and thinking it was just her mother’s or something, she finished cleaning and moved onto the showering.  
As she showered, she noticed another smudge of the greenish lipstick on the bathroom wall. What the hell had her mom been doing? She shuddered to think about it, even though she knew the kind of guys her mom tended to pick up. She hated all of them. Every month, there would be a new guy and talk of “Maybe this’ll be your new dad!” but nope. Every time it was the same. Her mom’s alcoholic tendencies combined with the men’s rough personalities. It never worked.  
There was a knock on the door.  
“Is the bitch in here?” A gruff man’s voice called. Oh great. It was Grant Morkims, who was her mom’s current man of the month.  
“No Grant,” Rose said, pissed off by his nickname for her mom, “It’s the mini-bitch. Get the hell out of our house. I don’t know how she stands you,”  
“Oh, shit,” Grant slurred. Rose heard him shambling off somewhere, probably to look for “The Bitch” once again. Shaking her head, she continued to shampoo her hair. Then, something caught her eye. In the medicine cabinet, which was outrageously oversized, she thought she saw a glimpse of something. A glimpse of… green? Rose stepped out of the shower to see what was in it. What she saw, was not was she was expecting. There was a girl. But an alien girl.  
“Um… hello,” The girl said. Rose, shocked by it talked yelped inn fright. Somewhere far away, they heard Grant yell “Shaddup!”  
“What the hell?” Rose whispered, “Who are you? And why did you paint yourself grey? And why do you have horns? And-“  
“Shh,” the alien girl responded, “I will answer all of these questions soon, but for now, you’re naked.” Rose looked down to see her exposed breasts.  
“Shit!” Rose said, “You’re right! Look away, I don’t even know you! We’ll talk after my shower!” She stepped back in and finished as quickly as she could to make sure this alien wouldn’t be staring at her for a long time. The alien didn’t stare once, but she let Rose finish quickly.  
After Rose finished, she threw on her clothes and confronted the alien. The alien revealed herself to be a race known as the Trolls, and her name was Kanaya. She explained the whole thing about a different universe that Rose was living in and Kanaya and 3 others had been accidentally transported to it and that she needed Sollux, Vriska and the other troll to build a time machine so they could go back to their normal dimension, which she thought was really confusing considering they were from a different dimension and time in the first place.  
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” Rose said.  
“Yes,” Kanaya responded.  
“Good,” Rose said, “Because I do for some strange reason.”

…

John watched as Vriska munched on the cotton candy from under the bed. She barely fit and seemed very uncomfortable.  
“We need to find you a new place to hide,” John thought out loud. Vriska looked up mischeviously.  
“You already care about me? Humans are weird,” she said. John smirked.  
“Can’t I be kind to people?” John asked. Vriska laughed and continued eating. John was lost in thought about how in the world they were going to find the other trolls. Vriska had said that it was a huge freak coincidence that she had appeared so close to John’s house, and the other trolls could be anywhere in the world or solar system. It seemed like there was a very slim chance that any of them would even be within 240 miles of his house. He thought of 240 because that was how far his dad’s car went on a full load of gas. It was a junky piece of shit, but that was the only car he had access to. Other than Rose’s of course, but what was he going to tell her? “Hey Rose I need to go look for 3 aliens from a different timeline?” Hell no.  
“You look deep in thought,” Vriska said, “Looking for a way to get rid of me as quick as possible?”  
“Well, kind of if you consider finding out where the trolls are as that,” John said.  
“You hate me,” Vriska pouted.  
“I barely even know you,” John countered.  
“Other you knew me so much better,” Vriska said, “We even went on a trans-dimensional bubble date once!” John was so confused by that statement he decided to ignore it.  
“Do you have any even slight idea of how we are going to find the other trolls?” John asked her.  
“Nope,” Vriska said, “But I have faith that you’ll be able to! Unless you’re not as cool as the real John!” That statement made John shudder. Was that what he was? A fake? Not important? A John that nobody cared about? He hid his emotions and decided to try to ignore it, but that sentence lingered in his head until long after she had left with the other trolls.  
“And are you sure we’ll need Sollux to make the time machine?” John asked to be sure. Vriska nodded again and continued to finish off the cotton candy. John didn’t even know where to start…

…  
“So what you’re telling me,” Rose said, “Is I’m a different Rose then the one you have become friends with? But I’m actually the same one too? Just on a different timeline?” Kanaya nodded her head.  
“You got it,” She replied. Kanaya and Rose had went into Roses room to continue discussing the situation, which was becoming a bit much to Rose. They had made sure to not talk about it until Rose’s mother and Grant had left, but by now, they were long gone, so they were able to talk freely.  
“You don’t think there’s other trolls around here?” Rose asked. Kanaya shook her head, and Rose sighed, “Is there a possibility one found John?”  
“No,” Kanaya said, “The one who would find John would probably Vriska, and if that was so, we would have definitely heard from her by now.”  
“Should I at least call John and see how he’s doing?” Rose said, “Maybe throw a few hints around? Wish him a happy birthday?” Kanaya shook her head.  
“Go ahead and call him, but don’t tip my presence off to him,” Kanaya responded, “And if Vriska is there, we will hear her, so don’t say anything!” Rose nodded and begun dialing in the phone numbers to John’s phone, and when John picked up, a voice answered that made her drop the phone.  
“Hello?” was all she heard, then someone yelling and an obvious struggle. Only problem? It wasn’t John’s voice who answered. It was a girl.


	4. The Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which learn Rose's secret

Rose stared at the phone. Kanaya stared at the phone with the exact same face, but her look of horror soon disappeared and turned into a look of happiness. She motioned for Rose to pick up the phone, and with a little convincing, she did.  
“H-hello?” Rose asked, stuttering. There was no reply for 5 seconds and just as Rose was about to hang up…  
“Hey, Rose,” John’s voice said “What’s up?” There was a note of annoyance in his voice, but it seemed to be aimed towards someone else.  
“John, Happy Birthday,” Rose managed to stutter out, “Who was that on the phone who answered?” John didn’t say anything for several seconds.  
“What do you mean?” He finally said, “I said hello, then I accidentally fell and then you said hello and here we are.” Kanaya sighed in frustration. Rose motioned for her to shut up.  
“Didn’t a girl’s voice answer?” Rose asked. She heard John literally shake his head.  
“No!” John said, “Don’t be silly. It’s just me up here. All alone on my 19th birthday.”   
“I’m gonna come over later though, right?” Rose asked.  
“Yeah, of course,” John replied, “What time were you planning?” Rose looked at the clock. It was 11:56 in the morning.  
“Well it’s almost noon right now, so how about 2 today?”  
“That sounds good,” John said. He noted that they both sounded extremely nervous. But why did Rose have a reason to be nervous?  
“Okay then,” Rose said, “Bye,” She hung up the phone. Kanaya was at the other side of the room completely pissed off.  
“What the hell!?” She said, “You didn’t pursue the girl’s voice! Why the hell not?!” Rose sighed and shook her head.  
“What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey John, are you hiding a grey skinned girl in your room?’”  
“Yes, actually,” Kanaya said, “Because if you did, and if Vriska was actually there, he would have said yes and we would have had two of the four trolls got together!” Rose felt the urge to kick the troll out of the house, but strangely, something was stopping her. Rose… liked the feistiness of her, and found her… extremely attractive at that. But was she dumb enough to develop feelings for a space alien who wouldn’t be around for all that long? She hoped not.  
“Why are you staring at me?” Kanaya said, breaking Rose from her thoughts.  
“I wasn’t staring at you, I was thinking,” Rose replied. Kanaya shrugged and looked out the window. The whole street was dead.  
“Where is everybody?” Kanaya asked.   
“I don’t know,” Rose said, “The last time I saw them was…” She stopped and shuddered. Kanaya gave her a weird look.  
“What? When?” She asked her. Rose looked at Kanaya.  
“If I tell you, you need to promise not to tell anyone else,” Rose said, dead serious. Kanaya nodded.  
“Fine, that’s fair. Go on,” Rose sighed.

… 6 Months Earlier

“Wow!” Jade said, “Your house is so nice! And normal!” Rose laughed. Jade had come to visit for a few days.  
“I would have rather gone to your house,” she replied, “That house is amazing and gigantic!”   
“I don’t know,” Jade said, “You just get a bit tired of it after a while.” Rose nodded and motioned Jade up to her room. Jade gasped in surprise.  
“Wow, your bedroom is really nice too!” She said and giggled. Rose giggled too. Despite being 18, Jade still had the wonder of a 13 year old. And then a peculiar thought entered her head.  
“Jade is beautiful,” Rose thought. She was shocked by the thought, because the beautiful she was thinking of wasn’t the friendly complimenting beautiful. She thought Jade was beautiful in the she would date her way. But Rose didn’t think she like women. She’d wanted to get together with John for a while. So this feeling that she felt towards Jade shocked her. Jade was lying on her bed giggling, and all Rose could think of was lying with her. But if she did… what would happen? Rose restrained herself from doing so.  
“Rose?” Jade said, “Are you okay?” Rose snapped out of this new thought she had.  
“I’m fine,” Rose replied. Jade smiled and flopped on the bed and started to go on about some story at her house, but Rose was too busy staring at Jade’s perfect figure. Her eyes, her whole face, her hair… her breasts. Then, without warning, some urge in her took hold and she leaped over to her bed and locked lips with Jade. Jade, shocked, returned the kiss, and they laid there, making out. Rose reached her hand under Jade’s shirt and felt her chest, which was even more perfect in feel, and Jade reacted by whimpering slightly. Then she stopped, and Rose lifted her face.  
“Rose…” Jade whispered, “I didn’t know you felt this way about me…” Rose sat there, completely embarrassed.  
“I don’t know if I can…” Jade started, “I thought you… John?” Rose said nothing, not willing to speak out of sheer embarrassment.  
“I can’t Rose,” Jade said again, “I can’t be with you. I don’t love you in that way.” And with that, Jade awkwardly left the room, leaving Rose a few sleepless nights ahead of her. The strangest long-term effect that came out of that was that Rose never saw anybody in the neighborhood but John since that day, and John hadn’t seen anybody either.

… The present day

“So…” Kanaya said, “You’re interested in girls?” Rose shook her head slightly.  
“I don’t know,” Rose responded, “The only person I love is John, so I guess that means I don’t right?”  
“Do you still love Jade?” Kanaya asked.  
“I don’t…” Rose began, but stopped. She had never thought of this. But… she had never really stopped loving Jade since then…  
“I think so…” She finished. Kanaya nodded.  
“I don’t have a problem with people who like the same gender, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Kanaya said.  
“I never said that though!” Rose said, “I don’t even know anymore! Can we just figure out how to build this fucking time machine and stop talking about my sexual orientation!?” Kanaya laughed and then nodded.  
“Sure,” Kanaya said, “But I already told you I don’t know how to do this,”  
…  
Vriska Serket had been acting funny ever since that phone call and John had noticed. But he had waited to say anything.  
“Vriska?” John said. Vriska looked over, “Is something wrong?” Vriska thought for a second, and then nodded.  
“Yeah, I sensed something a little while ago, when you were talking to your friend Rose.” Vriska said.  
“What did you sense?” John asked.  
“One of the trolls,” Vriska said, “I don’t think it was Sollux unfortunately.”  
“Any idea of which one?” John asked.  
“Nope,” Vriska replied, “It may have been-“ Vriska was interrupted by an outcry by John. She ran over.  
“What’s wrong?” She said.  
“Dave just contacted me. He thought he saw some guy run into his apartment with horns, grey skin, glasses and some black T-Shirt” Vriska’s eye widened.  
“Holy shit,” Vriska said, “Sollux,”


	5. i HAVE The car c:

“What the hell was that?” The man with the shades said. He had just witnessed what seemed to be a grey skinned guy with 3D glasses and horns run across the street. The man with shades name was Dave Strider, and he had put a stop to shredding some ill beats to witness this strange sight. For a second, he thought about going down and finding the person, as something seemed to be drawing him to the guy. But then he looked back at his brother’s epic turntable, and his mind was quickly changed.  
Dave is 19 years old. He was the only person out of the four SBURB kids to move out of his original house he grew up in. This was unfortunately because he was evicted after his brother left. He had simply forgotten to pay the bills, because he was too lazy to get a job, and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff hadn’t been primer comic material. The last comic, #543 had failed miserably in views, and he had pulled in a measly $3.44 Dollars. This he didn’t understand, because according to him, the latest story arc in Sweet Bro was amazing, and he was on the 56th comic in the story arc “Death n Geromy’s Famly”. He thought it should win some awards with the feels, but the internet public didn’t agree with him apparently. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen anyone in like 6 months, which was when his 45 views a day went down to 3… But he was too stubborn to put two and two together.  
Dave decided to pester John and tell him of his sighting. So he logged onto PESTERCHAT and contacted John with a simple, but elegant message.  
“Yo bro there’s a fuckin grey dude with a black t-shirt, horns, and glasses outside running around,” Within seconds, he got a reply from John.  
“That’s odd. But why would you tell me that?” Dave started to respond. He didn’t know this, but at this point, John was freaking out to Vriska, and Vriska had figured out it was Sollux and they were trying to find a way to get in contact with Sollux without Dave being alerted if he didn’t have to be. Dave finished his next simple but elegant message.  
“Lol idk. I just thought you should know.” John’s next message surprised him.  
“Does he seem cool?” Dave thought for a second, and then typed a message back.  
“I guess. He’s wearing old school 3D glasses in broad daylight so he can’t be that bad. Why?” John replied moderately quickly.  
“I don’t know. Maybe invite him in.” Dave thought again, and then responded.  
“Brb,” Dave didn’t know this, but Vriska and John high fived as he sent that message. Dave ran outside and looked around. He saw no sign of the 3D glasses man. He was about to quit his search when he noticed the man about to board a bus.  
“STOP!” Dave yelled. The bus driver, who was about to leave, smiled, shook her head, and closed the bus doors. Dave’s mouth dropped open. There was another person! But she looked like she had the horns and grey skin too. The 3D glasses guy took his seat and waited. Dave, who knew what he needed to do, ran to his garage and opened it. His 1965 Ford Mustang sat there, and he jumped in it and started it up. The bus had already pulled away, so he gave no shits about getting tickets and drove as fast as he could towards the bus, which was speeding a healthy dose above the speed limit as well. The question was why was this bus so desperate on getting away from him? And why did the two people have grey skin and horns? This at the moment didn’t matter, as Dave was having the time of his life, considering he was in a real life car chase.  
Next to him his phone buzzed. It was a pester from a person he didn’t recognize, who had a handle of twinArmageddons. He picked it up, once again giving no shits that it was illegal, and saw the message.  
“Stop cha2iing us,” It read.

…

John Egbert was getting slightly worried. It had been almost 15 minutes since Dave had said “Brb” He looked over at Vriska, who shrugged.  
“Maybe it’s just taking time for him to convince Sollux,” She said. John silently nodded. But he felt like something was going wrong. Suddenly someone by the name of twinArmageddons pestered him.  
“Tell your friiend to 2top followiing u2 iin hiis car plea2e.” It read. Vriska looked at the screen and mouthed the word “Sollux.”  
…  
Rose and Kanaya had been sitting around talking about nothing in particular. Rose had been talking about her book series she had almost finished and Kanaya had been talking about her fashion tastes. Their conversation was stopped when Rose was pestered by someone by the name of arsenicCatnip.  
“:33


	6. I HAVE The bus

Sollux looked out the back of the bus Nepeta had stolen. Dave was still tailing them, and it was starting to annoy the shit out of him.  
“Can’t this thing go any faster?!” He yelled at Nepeta. Nepeta whimpered sadly, and shook her head.  
“I don’t think so,” She said. Sollux sighed and continued to watch Dave driving behind them. If he continued at this speed, he would definitely catch up.   
“Sollux?” Nepeta said, “Why don’t we just find our patron humans and have them help us?”   
“Because we don’t need their help,” Sollux said, “We can build that interdimensional time machine and revert ourselves back to our six solar sweep old selves. And we won’t need the humans to help us.”  
“What about Kanaya and Vriska?” Nepeta asked, as a honk came from Dave’s car, followed by some unintelligible yelling.  
“Screw them,” Sollux said, “We don’t need them either. They could be miles and miles away. Besides, they don’t have anything to use Trollian on, so we can’t get in contact with them anyway.” Nepeta, unsure about Sollux’s plan, shrugged and nervously kept driving as fast as she could. Dave was still gaining on them fast.  
“Did the humans we messaged respond back?” She said. Sollux shook his head, and Nepeta sighed and continued down the highway.

…  
“What are we even supposed to do?” John Egbert yelled to Vriska. Vriska shrugged as a response.  
“I have no idea,” Vriska said, “Have you tried messaging Sollux back yet?”  
“That was Sollux who messaged me?” John asked.  
“Yup,” Vriska replied, “he’s one of the most tech-savvy trolls.” John nodded and then looked down at his laptop.  
“Crap…” He said, “It says here I need to download the Trollian update data to be able to message Trolls.”  
“Then why don’t you?” Vriska asked.  
“Because the download is 4509 gigabytes, and says it would take about 2 months to finish,” John said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.  
“Well, crap,” Vriska said, “Looks like we’re stuck waiting. I wish I brought my computer. It would have made things so much easier.” John silently agreed. Looked like the only thing they could do at this point was sit and wait.

…

Dave honked his horn. He was really angry that these people weren’t stopping, or at least slowing down. And he really didn’t even know why. These were two totally random people he had never seen before in his life. Or had he? For some reason, Dave couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen these people before, but he couldn’t quite place when. But whatever the reason was, he was wasting precious gas money trying to catch these people. The weirdest part was the message he had gotten. It was as if someone on the bus knew him as well. Maybe that’s how he knew them. They must have been one of those anime convention people that were friends of John and Jade. They must have given these people his PesterChum handle, and that’s how the person sent him the message.  
He thought of messaging them back, until he realized that would slow him down quite a bit. He decided to just ignore it and continue flying down the freeway.

…

Rose looked down in confusion at her phone. Kanaya noticed the look and looked at the phone too.  
“Nepeta,” Kanaya silently said, “She’s trying to get in contact with you. But why?”  
“Who’s Nepeta?” Rose started to ask, “One of the trolls?”  
“Yeah,” Kanaya said, “I don’t know why she wants to talk to you though. She should be trying to get in contact with her patron human.”  
“Maybe she’s asking you about her patron human, who should be Jade,” Kanaya explained.  
“Then Nepeta’s out of luck, because I can’t talk to Jade. I won’t talk to Jade,” Rose said awkwardly.  
“I understand,” Kanaya said, “I really do.” Rose shifted nervously and tried to message back Nepeta, but she quickly ran into the same problem that John did.  
“It says I need to download Trollian, but it’ll take like 3 months,” Rose pondered. Kanaya swore under her breath and shook her head.  
“Then we’re out of luck for now,” Kanaya said, “Looks like we’ll have to just wait.” For just a second, Kanaya thought about Rose when she was naked in the bathroom, but the thought exited her head just as quickly. What was she thinking? Rose had just gotten out of a bad girl-girl experience, so why ruin the chance of Rose helping by trying to start another? Occasionally, her thoughts would go to that, but then they’d exit just as fast. This was going to be annoying if it continued…

…

“Dammit Nepeta!” Sollux yelled, making Nepeta squeak with fright, “Can’t this thing go any goddam faster!?”   
“No sir…” Nepeta whimpered, “It’s at the edge of the little number meter,” Sollux groaned in frustration, and looked back at Dave, who was trailing behind even closer.  
“Maybe this little thing being at E will make it faster!” Nepeta mewed. Sollux’s eyes widened as he ran over to the counter to see the fuel gage at empty.  
“You dumbass! That means it’s empty! And It’s gonna stop soon!” Sollux yelled. And sure enough, the bus began slowing down ever so slightly, but it allowed Dave to approach even closer. Before long, the bus stopped, and Dave pulled up right next to the door of the bus.  
“Don’t let him in,” Sollux whispered, “We don’t need his help!”  
“I’m not even looking for him,” Nepeta said, “I want Jade! Who cares if Dave comes in!?”  
“I care!” Sollux said, but it was too late, Nepeta opened up the door of the bus, and an angry Strider charged in the bus.  
“I got some questions for you,” Dave said in an unusually calm voice. Sollux moved his head back and sighed.  
“Your wish is my command,” Sollux said sarcastically, “Fuckass,”


	7. Desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another chapter i wrote last year. sorry that I havent updated in a while

Sollux nervously looked around the bus at Nepeta, who was looking back at him. He shrugged and she made a face that seemed to say, oh well. Dave, who looked absolutely furious, looked straight at Sollux, and snarled.  
“Alright,” He said, “You are going to tell me why you tried to drive away from me, and you are going to pay for all of the gas that I used trying to catch up to you!” Nepeta, who wasn’t a fan of the loud tone Dave was using, whimpered a bit, and then waited for Sollux to speak up and confront the shades-wearing man. However, Sollux showed no signs of doing that, and Nepeta groaned, and decided to take action.  
“We were trying to get away from you, because according to yellow blood dummy over there, we don’t need your help!” She said defiantly. Dave looked more confused.  
“Help you?” He said, “What would I help you with? I don’t even know you,”  
“Well, yes you do,” She said, “An alternate you from the paradox space kind of knows me. We never really talked much, but I’ve heard a lot about you! I’m a troll from a planet called Alternia, and we created your universe that you live in!”  
“Let me stop you right there,” Dave said, “If you are really an alien, then let me introduce you to a human phrase that describes what you are saying to me. It’s called complete bullshit.” Nepeta sighed and shook her head.  
“I know you don’t believe me, but it’s all completely true!” She said again, “If you don’t believe me, then don’t, but at least try to still help us!”  
“I don’t need his help,” Sollux mumbled, “I’m supposed to find Jade, but I don’t need her help either. So if you don’t mind, I’m gonna get the hell out of here,” Dave shut the bus door.  
“Until you give me an explanation that actually makes sense, nobody is going anywhere,” Dave yelled.  
“She’s telling the truth, dumbass,” Sollux retorted back, “So let me off the fucking bus before I go crazy!”  
“Is there a way that you can prove that you guys are aliens?” Dave said, “And don’t say skin, because you could have painted that on.” Sollux and Nepeta looked at each other, and then shrugged.  
“Ever heard of a Bone Bulge?” Sollux said. Nepeta’s eyes widened and she shook her head. She mouthed the word “nonononononono”  
“No,” Dave said, “Is that like some weird name for a boner or something?” Sollux looked confused.  
“I don’t know what that means, but it sounds similar, so I’ll just say yes,” He said, “The technical definition for a Bone Bulge is the male reproductive organ of the Troll Anatomy. It’s equivalent to a… tentacle in human lingo.”  
“Dude, this is a really elaborate way to get me to see your dick,” Dave said, “So I’ll pass,” Sollux sighed with frustration, and pulled down his pants. Nepeta squealed with fright and looked away, leaving Dave to see the wriggling tentacle of Sollux’s Manhood.  
…  
“Vriska?” John asked, “I know I’ve asked you this before, but how are we going to build you a portal that goes into the past, into a different timeline, and simultaneously ages you back 6 years?”  
“John,” Vriska said, “I told you, I have no idea, and that’s why we need Sollux, and that’s why we may need you to take the initiative to download that extension to Pesterchum, no matter how long it takes.”  
“You wanna be here for 2 months?” John asked. Vriska seemed to seriously consider it, and frowned.  
“I want to go home,” Vriska responded, “But I’m willing to spend a lot of time getting there.” John sighed.  
“Fine,” John said. He clicked back into the Trollian download site, and started it up. It said “2 months remaining” and he sighed. This was going to take a while…  
…  
Sollux walked down the road looking for cars to take. He wanted to get as far away from Dave Strider as he possibly could. Luckily, he knew Dave wanted the same thing. It was much worse for Dave, as he’d never seen a bone bulge apparently. Poor Nepeta had felt sympathy for the scarred Dave and decided to stay. Or at least that’s what she had said. He knew she just wanted to stay with her patron human. But they wouldn’t get anyway without him, because he was the only one who actually knew what to do. They’d come crawling back to him soon enough, and the humans would feel useless.  
Suddenly, his Trollian went off. He looked at it and it was from Nepeta.

AC: :33 Why didn’t you stay?  
TA: becau2e ii 2ee no need for our 2o called “patron” human2  
AC: :33 But I n33d your help! I can’t go home if you don’t help me!  
TA: Well you 2hould have thought of that before deciidiing to 2tay with the Dave human.  
AC: :33 But you scarred him! He n33ds someone to comfort him. Plus, he is my patron human.  
TA: But what ii2 he goiing to do? How ii2 he goiing to help?  
AC: :33 ummm *shakes head* I don’t know, but we’re supposed to be with our patron humans! It’s the rule of this universe!  
TA: Do you thiink Ii care about the rule2 of thii2 2tupiid uniiver2e? ii’l do whatever ii want here.  
AC: :33 Okay, but you are gonna n33d to come back for me! And the other trolls if we ever find them!  
TA: They left theiir phone2 back on the regular alterniia, 2o iit’2 gonna be hard to fiind them. Whiich ii2 another rea2on why ii don’t care, and ju2t want to get off thii2 2tupiid uniiver2e a2 quiick a2 po22iible, even iif iit mean2 2ome troll2 don’t get out.  
AC: :33 Has that mind honey been messing with your brain? Cuz you’re actin silly. Oh, shucks, Dave’s gonna throw up again! I’d better tend to him! Bye :33

Sollux didn’t bother saying bye back. He was a busy troll with things to do. He put away his phone and continued to search for a car. That car had something it that he needed…  
…  
?? began Trolling ??

??: What the? Where the hell are we?  
??: I don’t know  
??: Yo+u l+o+ok a l+ot +older…  
??: Do I? Wait, so do you…  
??: What happened?  
??: I already told you, I don’t know!  
?? joined conversation  
??: \\(=^..^)/ WHOA WHERE ARE WE?  
??: Meulin? You got teleported out too? Where are you?  
??: \\(=o..o)/ I DON’T KNOW. IT’S SO SAD TOO, I WAS JUST HAVING THE PURRFECT DREAM…  
??: What’s g+oing +on? I d+on’t think this is a dream bubble…  
??: I agree. A dream 8u88le would be much more… Su8tle.  
?? joined conversation  
??: WH04 WH3R3 4M 1 GUY5  
??: We d+on’t kn+ow, Mituna. Calm d+own.  
??: 1M 50RRY.  
??: \\(=e..e)/ THEN WHAT ARE WE EVEN GONNA DO?  
??: I really don’t know. 8ut we should at least try to find each other.  
?? joined conversation.  
??:  
??: Hell+o? Wh+o’s that?  
??:  
??: Please answer us. It’s okay. We won’t do anything  
??:  
??:  
??:  
??:  
??: :o)  
??: \\(=^..^)/ 333333333333333333333333333333333333


	8. Everything Falling Into Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet another old chapter. This is the last one before I have to start writing new ones again

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:22 –

TG: We need to talk  
TG: I’m thinking of ending my life  
TG: Because I think I just saw alien dong  
EB: What the hell are you talking about?  
TG: Remember how you told me to follow that bus?  
EB: Yeah, I told you to do that like 6 hours ago.  
TG: Well I caught up to them, and then when I confronted them, they had horns and grey skin.  
EB: So… weird cosplayers?  
TG: That’s what I thought, until one of them decided to expose themselves to prove that they were alien.  
TG: And instead of a normal human dong, he had a yellow writhing tentacle.  
TG: And I can’t fucking unsee that shit  
EB: …  
EB: Sorry?  
EB: ??? Are you okay???  
TG: No. Never again.  
TG: But now I have one of the girl ones here comforting me, even though I’m not completely sure that that’s helping me.  
EB: What did she say her name was?  
TG: She called herself Nepeta, why the hell does that matter?  
EB: I dunno, I was just curious I guess.  
TG: Oh, well she’s watching our conversation  
TG: She says hello.  
TG: …  
TG: Where’d you go?  
EB: Sorry. I was gone for a second.  
EB: Can I be honest with you?  
TG: Aren’t you usually?  
EB: Well, of course, but this time I’m going to be completely honest with you.  
EB: There’s a grey skinned alien with me too. Her name’s Vriska. She’s part of an alien race known as trolls.  
TG: … Really? Now that I think about it, the yellow dong guy did mention something about patron humans, and that he didn’t want to find the green chat girl. Do you think he meant Jade?  
EB: I don’t know, maybe. But this does make me suspect that Rose has a troll with her too. But I don’t wanna blow Vriska’s cover if there’s the chance that the troll hasn’t got to Rose yet.  
TG: Hold up, she’s pestering me right now.  
EB: I’ll wait.  
TG: Okay I’m back.  
EB: And?  
TG: She’s knocking on your door right now.  
EB: What? No she…  
EB: Someone just knocked on my door.  
TG: She says bring the Blue Blooded Troll.  
EB: Right. Well, this may be a little while, so I’ll just stop pestering you until we get some new updates.  
EB: She’s lucky my dad isn’t here  
TG: Okay man.  
EB: Try to get over the dongs.  
TG: I’ll try.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:54 –

30 minutes earlier

Vriska watched from a distance as John chatted with Dave. She watched as Dave admitted the existence of Nepeta, Dave’s patron troll in this universe. He also admitted the existence of Sollux, which was the best news she’d heard that day. She knew that pretty soon, John would have to admit Vriska’s existence soon enough.  
Sure enough, John typed “I dunno, just curious I guess” then turned to face her.  
“Should we tell him about you?” he asked immediately. Vriska nodded.  
“He needs to know. We need to gather all the patron humans and trolls together, and this’ll be the quickest way to do that.” She replied. John nodded, and then paused for a second.  
“How are we gonna keep you here for all the time that this takes?” He said suddenly. Vriska, shocked from the sudden question looked down.  
“I don’t know yet,” she said, “But we’ll figure it out. Now you should get back to your friend and admit that I exist I guess.” John nodded, and turned back to his computer. Vriska sat there and thought. John’s question had been a simple one, but it had affected her in a way she couldn’t explain. How was she going to stay there was a good question. But not in the context that John had meant. The way she thought of it was in a way like, how am I going to be able to stay from the people I care about? But she shrugged it away into the reaches of her mind and watched John talk to his friend.

…

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:42 –  
TG: Rose  
TG: Rose  
TG: Rose  
TT: Shut up.  
TG: What? Why?  
TT: I’m going over to John’s house.  
TG: Why?  
TT: Tell him to bring the Blue Blooded Troll with him  
TG: What? Umm okay. But I need-  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –  
TG: ???

“Why did you need me to do that?” Rose asked Kanaya, as she shut down her computer, “He probably thinks I’m a total douche now.”  
“It doesn’t matter,” Kanaya said, “He won’t soon. I know he has Nepeta with him.” Rose looked at her funny, and decided to make sure nobody was downstairs. After about a minute of silence, she came back upstairs and motioned for Kanaya to follow.  
“You have to be as silent and invisible as possible,” Rose told her. Kanaya nodded and they went down the stairs and crossed the backyard of her house into the small forested area. They walked along the path there, until they reached the backyard of John’s house. She ran across with Kanaya to the front of the house, and they knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal John and Vriska, who stared right back at Rose and Kanaya.  
“Well come on in!” Vriska said, “Or is my new hot body too much for you two?”  
…  
Dave looked over at Nepeta who was looking at some cats outside and mewing. She noticed him looking and turned back to face him.  
“Do you know how we’re gonna get to John’s house?” She asked  
“Yeah,” Dave replied, “I can borrow some money from my bro and we can fly over there. The only problem is gonna be you. Though we can just say you’re cosplaying or something.” She nodded.  
“Okay!” she said, and went back to staring at the cats outside.  
…  
Rose helped herself to coffee and offered some to John, who declined. Vriska and Kanaya were talking amongst themselves, so John and Rose decided to do the same.  
“What do you think about all of this?” John started.  
“I really don’t know,” Rose replied, “But I’m more worried about how we’re gonna help them build a time machine, because it sounds impossible.”  
“Yeah,” John said, “It really does. It’s gonna take us a while, so why don’t you just sleep over? My dad won’t care. He might not even be back tonight.”  
“I guess I can do that,” Rose said, “I just don’t know what my mom and her tool of a boyfriend are gonna think.”  
“Who cares about them?” John said, “It doesn’t matter what they think,” Rose shrugged.  
“I guess you’re right.” She replied. They heard Vriska clear her throat, so they turned to face her.  
“Alright, so Kanaya and I thought about it for a while, and we’ve decided what we’re doing,” Vriska began, “But we need Nepeta and Sollux first, so we’ll discuss it once we have all 8 people. Four trolls and four humans.” Rose and John looked at each other.   
“That’s it?” John said, a bit annoyed, “I thought this was important.”  
“It is!” Vriska said, “but I don’t feel like repeating the plans once we have everyone.” John groaned.  
“I think Nepeta and Dave will be here within a couple days, so we don’t have to worry about that.” Kanaya said, “But we have to worry about Sollux, and Jade,” Kanaya cringed at the look of fear that appeared on Rose’s face. But before Kanaya could comfort her, there was a knock on the door that sent all of the trolls and Rose running upstairs. Nervously, John opened the door.  
“Hello,” The troll that stood there said politely, “My name is Aranea Serket, and I understand that there are two trolls in this house right now. Let me in,”

END OF DAY 1


End file.
